Hair today, gone tomorrow...

Over the past month and a half, I've been experiencing some serious hair loss. My hair has always been ridiculously thick, so to the average observer, you can't really tell. But if you know whats going on, you can tell. And as the title suggests, my biggest fear is that it will disappear in the near future. I've been losing hair in increasingly larger chunks as time has gone on, and the question that haunts me is this: how much longer can this continue before other people start to notice and before there's nothing left to lose? Seriously. I've joked to my sister that if I could untangle the mess that I've been losing, I'd have enough to make a decent wig in about a week. It's been that bad.

Today, I must admit, has been the worst of it. When I pulled out my pony tail holder there was a tangled clump attached to the band. I've been gently running my fingers through my hair before washing it lately, trying to limit the amount that could get stuck in the drain. And today there was a lot--pre wash.... Another couple clumps while washing, and a surprising amount after while combing it out before drying, and I have to say, I almost cried when I saw how much hair was in my hand that time. But I was in a hurry, running late for church so I brushed it off (some of it quite literally...) and kept going. When I got home and saw how much hair was in the trash can next to the sink, thats when I lost it. Today, I cried because I'm losing my hair. Even writing this I'm fighting back tears. It may sound vain and superficial, but what 27 year old woman can deal with the fact that they're losing their hair? You may be a better person than me, but I'm not taking it well. At least not today.

I've been ignoring it to this point, but when my mom, the nurse, who usually tells me its nothing to worry about and its not worth bothering the dr, tells me that maybe I should call and ask if theres something that would help....well that just broke down my last bit of control and indecisiveness over there being a problem. I can certainly tell that its thinner. I'm shocked when I pull back my hair and notice how much of a difference there is in how thick it used to be. But then I'm used to what it always used to feel like in relation to what is there now. The fact that she can tell that it visibly looks thinner, not in a patchy, bald-spot kinda way (Thank God!, and I know, because I've been carefully, almost obsessively, checking) but in a loss of volume kinda way, then there is definitely something wrong that I want to try to put a stop to before its too late. This may seem super dramatic, but I'm getting desperate. I've lost a lot, and I'm worried it will continue and I won't be able to stop it.

There are many reasons why I'm freaking out right now. For starters, and the most obvious...I'm a girl. Yup. We get up early and spend hours working on our hair, trying to get it just right so we feel like we look fabulous. Ok, so I've never gotten up early to work on my hair, and I think I can count on one hand the times I've spent more than half an hour on it (its typically around 15-20 min, including washing it) but the theory of girl pride of our hair still remains. I don't consider myself a vain person, and I hope no one else would, but what 20 something woman wouldn't have self-esteem issues over hair loss? Not to mention the fact that I'm a single woman experiencing hair loss. Whats the first thing a guy notices about a girl? What we look like. And lets be honest. Theres enough to be self-conscious about when you like someone, want to date, or you are dating that you are worrying about, you don't need to add hair loss to the mix on top of it all.

I just started a new job. No one there knows that I have health problems. Theres

I'm trying to decide if I should include photos. Part of me is wants to hide the glaring details of how much is in there, a small voice piping up that hey, who wants to see the contents of my trash cans? And I quite literally started tearing up when I saw how much was there when walking by it...seriously. Its. that. bad. I've even checked the mirror a few times just to appease my own fear that yes. its still there, and I still look normal.  Maybe I will include pics....

Pic 1 is what I lost while washing my hair, 2 is from after washing, and 3 are random hair balls I found on the floor. Seriously, this is embarrassing...

I guess it really hit home, when I told my sister that I didn't think I'd go for a walk with her today, because of how much I lost this morning, because I didnt want to have to wash it again today and go through the whole ordeal again. And she responded with a text asking me if I was feeling alright. And the truth of it is, that I am. I feel pretty normal, aside from being a bit sore when I get up. And its really only in the back of my ankle, it feels kinda as if I over exercised and my muscle is tight, and it goes away after a few minutes of moving. Other than that, I'm just having to readjust to getting used to sitting for most of the day again. And my job really has a lot of up and down time so it hasn't really been a big issue either. So really not much physically to complain about. Unless of course, you count losing your hair as a physical issue... :) Its more of a psychological thing than anything I guess. So that about sums up my day. I've been losing more and more lately, and today I hit my breaking point. I'm feeling a mite depressed, and hoping to find an easy fix. Praying that it won't last long, and that soon I'll be laughing about this whole situation. Please??

Meanwhile, I'm going to try to end my pity-party...I think I'll start by taking out the trash....