Dating someone with chronic illness

Someone recently came upon my blog after googling "dating someone with ra" and it got me to thinking about how things may have ended so much differently in Dating Disasters if something were available to reference for someone on the other side of the whole issue. I think that we often forget how hard it is for those who love us to understand what we're really going through. There's a definite lack of communication, and while that seems like an easy fix, there's a lot of fear and indecision when it comes to discussing your health with friends and family, not to mention the added stress it all adds when you consider having those same conversations with someone you really like.

Dating can be difficult enough as it is, but when you add into the mix something like health problems, especially for someone in their 20's and 30's, then you have a whole lot of room for problems entering the mix. You like them, you want them to like you, and you'd like to be able to think about the future. When you have chronic illness in your life, the future contains many more unknowns than the average person. Sure health problems can surface in anyones future, but those with a chronic illness have a name already given to that possibility and the added stress of knowing what those possible complications could be. We've been handed a roadmap of symptoms, risk factors, complications and side effects to look out for. It's hard enough for us to think about encountering them. Explaining all of that to someone we hope to explore the possibility of a future with? Well, that's just plain scary. We've had time to think about it all, to wonder and to research, and get used to the idea of what we're experiencing and where that may lead. Most of us have come to grips with the idea and are doing our best to stay positive and be "normal".

Personally, I don't see my disease as an issue so much as a challenge. Sadly, not everyone sees it that way. You'll encounter people who don't understand, and who can't get past the idea of the challenges you may face in your health to the blessings you could share in a relationship. I'm not saying I have the answers. I'm positive I don't. It won't be easy, but I think things could be easier than we often make it out to be. And sometimes misguided anger and frustration can build and add to the challenges and discoveries that come with any relationship, making it seem harder than it needs to be. Making you wonder if the extra effort and turmoil is worth it.

I can tell you one thing I know from experience however. I can't tell you if working through it and trying to work past it is worth it or not, because I never got the chance to find out. Things ended with Brian before I was able to see how good it could have been. Before either of us had had a chance to find out if a future was something we wanted to pursue. And that is what hurts the most. The not knowing what may have happened if we hadn't given up. Wondering, three years later, where I may be today if things had gone differently then. It was early in the relationship. We hadn't even met in person yet. I'd never heard his voice. Our only communication had been our daily, and sometimes more than once a day conversations on the computer. And yet seeing he was there, and having those conversations made me happy. It seemed like we could talk for hours. I'd shared more with him about myself and my past than I had with even my best friend. But I'd not yet told him I was sick. I didn't know how he'd react and that scared me. But mostly because I don't feel like I'm sick until a flare hits. I don't think of myself as a "sick" person, as though my disease defines me. Because it doesn't. Its something that I have to live with, but I can basically ignore its existence and not think about it as something that matters. To me its just another reality to what I live with everyday. I've gotten used to the pain, so much so that I don't even notice it much anymore until it gets better and I notice its absence, or it gets worse and I feel like crap.

I forget sometimes that I've had roughly 12 years to get used to the idea. 12 years of research and discoveries, 12 years of fighting back the fear of what may happen and getting used to the idea that I'll never know how bad it will get until it happens. My biggest regret? I didn't give him the time he needed to process the information. I didn't wait to see how he'd react and what he'd have to say. I took his silence as rejection, and I reacted. Admittedly not well. And I really wish I'd waited longer and seen if he'd have responded how I hoped he would. Instead I pushed. I let the fear of what I thought was happening override my good sense and made that fear a reality. And while knowing it was over was painful, what hurt even more was not knowing why. Wondering if it was my own poor judgement and how I handled things, or the fact that he couldn't come to grips with it all. There was no closure, it was just over. And I've let that experience color every relationship I've had since. Or more to the point, I've let it close me off from ever getting that close to someone again. I've been too afraid that I'd again feel the rejection from someone I was starting to care about over something I had absolutely no control over. I've been too afraid to feel like that again that I haven't let myself trust someone enough to be able to tell me it didn't matter. And I'm beginning to wonder if its all been worth it. Because the pain of rejection can't be worse than the pain of feeling so alone. Of feeling like you'll never find someone who will be able to love you enough that everything else doesn't matter.

So please, take my advice. Don't push away what you desperately wish you could hold onto. Give them the time they need to think about it all and a chance to show you that being with you is more important that not knowing how your health may impact your relationship and your future. Because if we're honest, those uncertainties are there for any relationship, whether we know we're sick now or not. Sickness holds to no ones timetable, it doesn't care about our goals or ambitions, it doesn't wait for us to have time to deal with it or when things in life calm down or are less stressful. In fact, stress often makes things worse and can trigger a flare up. It can strike without notice and it can build gradually or hit you so hard you didn't see it coming.

The point is this. We all handle uncertainty in our own way. We've all been there. You get your diagnosis and type it into that search engine and wait for the "answers" you crave. But then, we also all know that only a small margin of the information we'll uncover is fact. The rest is just opinion and speculation. Oftentimes from those who don't even have a first person view or experience with what they're discussing. Add to that the fact that we've had the (hopefully) added blessing of dr appointments and referrals that have given us a way to get good and real information and a chance to ask our questions and have them answered. You can see where your significant other, having none of those advantages is left only with the answers on his screen.

Imagine for a moment how scary it would be to be on the other side of things. You're seeing someone you're starting to care about, thinking you know all the important things and that the other details will fall in place as you go. You're learning more about each other with every passing conversation and you're really liking where things are going. You're starting to think about the future. And suddenly that picture you've been building in your mind gets shattered. You've just been given information you never expected to hear. Your seemingly healthy SO just informed you that he/she has a condition for which there is no cure, is only sometimes managed well, and can often change direction without notice or warning. It could mean a few days in bed or a week in the hospital. Your browser window opens up a slew of nightmare scenarios and you don't know what to think. You don't know what to believe. You don't know how to react. What do you do? Having already been on our own side of it all, I'm sure you join me in thinking you'd give a resounding "we'll get through this together, it doesn't matter. I still care." But if we didn't have our own health problems in our past to color how we think we'd react, do we really know what we'd say? Is it fair to ask someone else to be able to handle the shock of first hearing that you have a condition, labeled by many a disease...(oh, how I hate that word...) and react to it well?

Remember your own reaction to finally having your condition given a name? For me, its happened twice. I was misdiagnosed 12 years ago and only given a proper diagnosis three years ago. I had nine years to get used to one disease only to have that knowledge and reality abruptly and rudely changed without warning. Replaced instead with something even more unknown and a future even more uncertain. I was angry. Upset that what I thought was real was not, and that I'd been treated for so long for something I didn't even have. I was disgusted with the idea that there was very little out there to discover on my new diagnosis. Bitter about the fact that I had new things to fear, new uncertainties that could creep up and sideline me without warning. I saw the limited information as a challenge for a while, searching nonstop for information that may give me a glimpse at what I may be facing. Fear at realizing there was little out there because there was little to know. But for us, that name, however restricting and scary, was also a relief. Because we'd known for some time that something was wrong, we just didn't know what. Now we had something to fight. Something to blame. An answer, however limited, for what we've been experiencing.

Now imagine hearing about your SO's diagnosis without all of that preceding it all. No warnings, no inkling that something may be wrong. For all you know you're dating a perfectly healthy individual, because that is what we portray to the world. We show no pain, no fear, no hint that something may not be right. We ignore the pain and go on with our lives, because we know its not going away, and complaining about it isn't going to make it better. They're given this bombshell of information and are faced with us, waiting for a reaction. Taught by experience to fear the worst and expect very little from those we tell. So here is my advice. Give them space and give them time. Let them know that you understand that its a lot to take in and a lot to accept. Let them know that you are there to answer any and all questions they have. Listen to what they actually have to say and try not to read too much between the silence and the questions. Let them process what you've told them and what they will discover on their own. And above all, trust them to be the kind of person you've thought them to be all along. Do not assume to know what they are thinking or try to interpret their silence or try to figure out what their questions may mean. Take it all as it comes and be patient. Let them tell/show you how they feel.

As for those of you who are faced with the information that someone you care about is "sick", here is my advice for you:

• We're just as scared about how you will react as you are about what it all means. Please don't leave us hanging. Let us know that you need time to process it all and to think about it. If you know right away that its not something you want to have to live with, just tell us. We're adults and we can handle it, don't just drop off the planet and wait for us to get the hint - tell us the truth. 

• Ask questions. We know you're going to have a million of them. Don't be afraid to ask about what you've read or what you've been told. Understand that a lot of what you're going to find on the internet is going to be uncommon or untrue. For many of us, our conditions may manifest differently case to case. Meaning that what may be true for one person with MCTD may be completely off base for me. Its considered an "overlap" disease meaning it may exhibit symptoms and disease activity from more than one disease, and as such may be different person to person. Don't be afraid to tell us that you don't understand something and let us know if you want to know more. We'll be glad to try to explain. 

• Listen. We know that what we're telling you is overwhelming and often potentially alarming. If our answers to your questions only leave you with more questions, don't be afraid to tell us if you don't understand what we told you or to ask followup questions. We've become semi-adept at doctor speak and the lingo of the waiting room. We forget sometimes that others do not have that same understanding and can continue on not realizing that you got lost back in the conversation somewhere when some medical term or another left you wondering what just happened. We really do realize that degenerative, immunosuppressant, and a whole host of other terminology is not in commonly used in others' vocabulary. Stop us when we fall into our standard "text" of an explanation and we venture into territory you don't recognize. Understand that we've explained our condition so many times that we do have a rote answer to most anything. If it sounds rehearsed, its because we've answered it before and we probably are giving an answer we've nailed down and use everytime we're asked. Don't be offended. Show us that you really do care about the answer and really want to know. That you aren't just asking because you think you have to. We'll know if you're being sincere and we'll respond to that. Let us know if you feel like you're not being heard and if you think we're not taking your questions seriously.  

• Pay attention to what we're telling you and also to what we may not be saying. Some things that are happening may not seem like a big deal to us, because we're used to it. We don't always realize that we need to explain why or how something is hard for us to do, and its often embarrassing to admit to our own limitations. Know that we're just as unsure about what will happen and how this will affect the future as you are.

• Be honest. Tell us how you're feeling. We're not mind readers, we don't know what you're thinking and what you're afraid of. We have our own insecurities and fears where our conditions are concerned, we know that you are going to have some of your own. We can't help you to understand what we're going through if we don't know what it is you aren't sure of or want to know more about. We want to be there for you emotionally as much as you want to be strong for us. Don't let how you think your emotions will make us feel keep you from expressing them. Don't close yourself off from us when we're most unsure of how you will react to everything we are telling you. 

• Be there. Sometimes just your presence is enough to make us feel better. Just knowing that you care and wish you could do something to make us feel better is enough. We know there isn't much you can do, but knowing that you care is a great help in and of itself. Being sick is no fun. Feeling like you're going through it alone is terrifying. Be the shoulder we can cry on, the confidant we can share our fears and insecurities with. Know that we're not feeling well and will probably ramble and often not make sense. We're likely to get angry, with our situation, how we feel, and the fact that there is little relief in the midst of a really bad flare up.  Sometimes you just have to wait for it to be over. Its frustrating and if we seem to take it out on you, please don't take it personally. Please forgive any and all emotional outbursts, bouts of complaining and whining when sick. Don't let us chase you away, because being there really does mean a lot. Especially when we know we're not easy to be around.

• Understand that no matter how much you want to, you'll never completely understand how we feel and what we're going through. We can try to explain it but unless you've experienced it often times what we're describing won't make sense. And thats ok. Just knowing that you're trying and want to understand means a lot. We have our own support system that we've built around us, my own was found out in the world of twitter. An unlikely but blessed discovery of those who are experiencing the same things that I am. Who I can talk to and listen to and know that I'm not alone. Sometimes just that realization is enough to make us feel better. But don't let that make you feel insignificant. We know we're not alone physically. We know that you're there. But there are some things that you won't be able to give us no matter how much you want to. Sometimes sympathy is rejected because we're overwhelmed with it from everywhere we turn. We want to interact with someone who can empathize with us, who is there with us physically and emotionally and can give us the support and understanding that only someone with our shared experience can give.

• Let us vent our frustrations (without fear of how you'll respond). We know there's nothing you can do to help us feel better and thats ok. Sometimes having someone listen and let you cry is all we really need. We spend so much time compartmentalizing everything we're going through, overanalyzing how we think someone will respond or what we should share. Give us the gift of knowing that we can let that out without having to self-edit or even be rational. Knowing you're there to listen and wipe our tears is sometimes enough to help us get through what we're feeling. Being able to verbalize it and let it out is a huge relief. 

Know that mistakes will happen, on both our sides and that no matter what it may appear on the surface, we really are trying. We're just as unsure of how to navigate through this added challenge to a relationship as you are. We're hoping that you will be the person that will break the trend of past relationships and be the one to stick it out. We're trying desperately to give you a chance to prove you will be there for us. But we're just as afraid to hold onto that hope and be disappointed should it not work out. We wish we had the opportunity to go through life meeting people in the way most dating couples do, without having to worry about how our health and its shifting stability can disarm even the most charming and determined of suitors. We've seen those we thought would stay run for the hills. Please don't think less of us for trying to protect ourselves from having it happen again. And don't let our cautious optimism scare you away. Keep up your determined pursuit and charm away. Inside we're all just little girls waiting for our happy ending.

@girlwithMCTD goes gluten free...

Yup! So I've finally decided to give it a try. I actually have quite a few of the physical symptoms of celiac and a few years ago, I was tested for celiac with a blood test. It came back negative. Thinking nothing of it, I continued on with my life as normal. I've had many people tell me that I should try the gluten free diet and see if it would help, but I always think back on that test, and all the hassle that goes into the whole thing and decide I'm ok.

Last week, I was talking to a good friend before she finished packing up and moved to Houston. We got to talking about all the things we'd missed catching up on while she was in France. I told her about my flare up in April, she told me she'd gone gluten free. Her uncle has a diagnosed and rather serious case of celiac, and she has a thyroid condition, so she decided to give it a try. It is hereditary. And those of us with auto-immune issues know that its no secret that if you have one, you're likely to have a few auto-immune problems/conditions. Sadly, its just the nature of the game we call life.

Julie was telling me about how much better she felt since she went gf. Increase of energy, better moods, etc, then we got to talking about me. Haha. She was really convincing. She told me about a documentary she saw that explained how the wheat we're all eating today, has a much higher level of gluten than it did way back in the day. Because of genetic engineering seeds, and the plants that come from them, have had the gluten beefed up so that crops grow more uniformly and are easier to harvest. Which makes it fantastic for us. This is a major reason stated in the documentary for the increase of celiac diagnosis made in recent time. I haven't seen the film, so I'm going to assume that they also mentioned the betterment of medical science and understanding of autoimmune conditions, and the many who've stood up to inform others of this issue for the increase as well.

Sadly, Celiac is still one of the lesser understood autoimmune conditions out there, and there is still a lot that is unknown. Its also one of the hardest to definitively diagnose. Because of the many symptoms that are spread across the spectrum are also widely associated with many other AI issues, its not the first condition considered. Often, it is misdiagnosed. A condition that many state is with you from birth, it remains dormant until it one day hits you and becomes a major issue. I have a close friend who was diagnosed with celiac a few years ago, so I am fortunate to have a better than average understanding of the disease and what I need to avoid. Still, I'm doing as I always do when I make a decision and take the plunge. I'm researching the heck out of it.

I didn't decide to start the diet right away. I applied for a job in Ohio a couple of weeks ago, and I've been waiting to hear back if I'm considered a strong candidate or if I may get the job. I don't know much about my status other than the fact that before I applied they weren't completely happy with the pool of candidates and were calling HR to see if they'd had any more applications. I got an email last Thursday letting me know that I passed the first level of review, human resources, and that my application packet had been forwarded to the director of the department. I'm very excited about the job and all the aspects of it I'd be involved in. Its in the creative services department of Cedarville University, the school I attended after HS graduation and LOVED.  I've been periodically checking their website for job postings and this one got me very excited. I've been thinking about going back to school and getting my BA in Graphic Design, but I wanted to be employed somewhere that may help me pay for it before I started the whole process. CU is a place I know and love and is my first choice for going back to school. The department is also where all of the graphic designers work. That is what cinched it for me. I was in, wholeheartedly. Before that, the idea of striking out on my own, after a year of unemployment, and then working at a coffee shop for below min wage +tips, gave me pause. Right now, I'm blessed with the ability to live with my mom and save on expenses during my limited budget. I still haven't been making enough to build up my savings, which I'd unfortunately had to deplete while unemployed...and sick...without insurance... and I was unsure if starting out like that was something I'd be comfortable doing. Finding out it was my dream job, made all the probably penny scrapping and the possible second job I may need in the beginning, worth it. By far. I'm super excited about the opportunity, but as I said, right now, all I know is that they would like the person they pick to start in the beginning of February. Which, as we all know, is SOON. I've been playing it hopeful, and looking around for places to live and possible roommate connections. I don't know how it will end up, but I'm just putting it all in God's hands and know that if this is where I'm supposed to be, it will all fall into place. All that to say, I was originally planning to wait until I knew about the job and see where I'd be financially (with a move, and rent, etc) before making the switch.

GF, especially right at first. You pretty much have to start all over again with most everything. If it doesn't have gluten in it, it most probably got cross contaminated at some point. I'm trusting pretty much nothing I already have open in my kitchen. Only those items in shakers that I know haven't been opened to scoop stuff out of is being used right now, everything else is being replaced.
And labeled. And placed in their own containers. I'm taking no chances that other items get into packaging or someone else accidentally contaminates something. I started the diet on Monday. After all of my internet scouring, the questions and discussions with friends dealing with going GF, and one friend who has a son with celiac, and all the book reading I've been doing, I decided that I couldn't wait any more. The more I know, and the more I read, the more I've come to realize that I may just have celiac, and this diet may work, or at the very least, going GF could help the underlying symptoms of my other AI diseases. So far, I haven't noticed much. Unless you count the fact that I've spent a bundle on plastic ware and new food items....haha. Actually, I haven't spent a ton on food yet. We do have quiet a bit of canned goods that are edible for me, and I went grocery shopping with my mom the other day, and she spent a ton of money helping me increase my options. She's gotten behind this with me 100% and has been a big support.

Right now, I'd say, I'm still very much on the learning side of it all. I'm still on the cautious side, and asking a million questions. Fortunately, I'm surrounded by a few caring friends with great experience and who have no problems answering my many questions. I'm blessed with the support of those who understand nearby...another reason I decided not to wait. So here begins my GF journey. I'll be sure to keep you posted!

When you can't remember...memory issues and "lupus brainfog"

I've found I often have trouble remembering things. It can be as simple as trying to find the word to make my point (or finish a sentence) to when I'm going through my nightly routine and cant remember if I took my prescriptions yet or not. Lately, I've been misplacing my phone just about every hour...sigh...

It's supremely frustrating. Ironically, I was sitting down to write out a list of topic ideas I'd had. There had been three. This was number two. I still don't know what number three had been. Yeah...Before I had finished writing this down, idea #3 had completely vanished. Try as I could, it was gone.

Is there anything we can do? Something to take, along with the handful of other Rx's and supplements that will clear our head and help us remember? Not that I've seen, and not that I'd be willing to add something else to the mix of things. Its just one more pill to remember to take...or did I?...lol...

So what can you do to deal with these little issues? The whole thing, in my experience anyway, is mostly just annoying and kinda inconvenient. I haven't stumbled upon any instance, that I can remember (ha!) that has made this a serious problem. So what do I do to survive the memory lapses? I have two words for you: post its. Yeah, I'm a huge fan. And I have them everywhere. There's a pad in my craft room, in my purse, computer bag, there's stacks of them at work, and I keep them next to the bed. There's nothing more annoying then going to bed thinking: I have to remember to do _____________ tomorrow, and then waking up the next day and having no clue what you'd wanted to MAKE SURE you did that day. So, yes, I keep them by the bed, the little notes I leave myself as I'm drifting off don't always make sense, but hey, at least I tried.

Another idea I've seen many bloggers advocate is the weekly pill reminder box. A few years ago, I could never understand why someone would have to fill one of those things every week to make sure they took their medications daily. I mean, I could see it if they were traveling, it condenses things and you don't need to take everything with you. I remember thinking, really? Is it that hard to remember if you took your pills that night or not?...And now here I am... I now understand, with unfortunate clarity how this can be a problem. It seems absurd and a bit of an exaggeration if you've never experienced it for yourself. Its hard to explain to someone how it can be, and really do you want to try? I mean, I'm 28, I don't want to come off sounding like some 80 year old who can't remember worth beans, but isn't that how we feel a good deal of the time? Not only is the memory an issue, but we're plagued by other health problems that are normally considered by most to be limited to the elderly. When people joke around that something shouldn't be an issue/problem for me, "cause I'm young" I just kinda smile and say "I may be young, but I have the body of an 80 year old". And apparently, occasionally it spreads to my memory as well...

Hair today, gone tomorrow...

Over the past month and a half, I've been experiencing some serious hair loss. My hair has always been ridiculously thick, so to the average observer, you can't really tell. But if you know whats going on, you can tell. And as the title suggests, my biggest fear is that it will disappear in the near future. I've been losing hair in increasingly larger chunks as time has gone on, and the question that haunts me is this: how much longer can this continue before other people start to notice and before there's nothing left to lose? Seriously. I've joked to my sister that if I could untangle the mess that I've been losing, I'd have enough to make a decent wig in about a week. It's been that bad.

Today, I must admit, has been the worst of it. When I pulled out my pony tail holder there was a tangled clump attached to the band. I've been gently running my fingers through my hair before washing it lately, trying to limit the amount that could get stuck in the drain. And today there was a lot--pre wash.... Another couple clumps while washing, and a surprising amount after while combing it out before drying, and I have to say, I almost cried when I saw how much hair was in my hand that time. But I was in a hurry, running late for church so I brushed it off (some of it quite literally...) and kept going. When I got home and saw how much hair was in the trash can next to the sink, thats when I lost it. Today, I cried because I'm losing my hair. Even writing this I'm fighting back tears. It may sound vain and superficial, but what 27 year old woman can deal with the fact that they're losing their hair? You may be a better person than me, but I'm not taking it well. At least not today.

I've been ignoring it to this point, but when my mom, the nurse, who usually tells me its nothing to worry about and its not worth bothering the dr, tells me that maybe I should call and ask if theres something that would help....well that just broke down my last bit of control and indecisiveness over there being a problem. I can certainly tell that its thinner. I'm shocked when I pull back my hair and notice how much of a difference there is in how thick it used to be. But then I'm used to what it always used to feel like in relation to what is there now. The fact that she can tell that it visibly looks thinner, not in a patchy, bald-spot kinda way (Thank God!, and I know, because I've been carefully, almost obsessively, checking) but in a loss of volume kinda way, then there is definitely something wrong that I want to try to put a stop to before its too late. This may seem super dramatic, but I'm getting desperate. I've lost a lot, and I'm worried it will continue and I won't be able to stop it.

There are many reasons why I'm freaking out right now. For starters, and the most obvious...I'm a girl. Yup. We get up early and spend hours working on our hair, trying to get it just right so we feel like we look fabulous. Ok, so I've never gotten up early to work on my hair, and I think I can count on one hand the times I've spent more than half an hour on it (its typically around 15-20 min, including washing it) but the theory of girl pride of our hair still remains. I don't consider myself a vain person, and I hope no one else would, but what 20 something woman wouldn't have self-esteem issues over hair loss? Not to mention the fact that I'm a single woman experiencing hair loss. Whats the first thing a guy notices about a girl? What we look like. And lets be honest. Theres enough to be self-conscious about when you like someone, want to date, or you are dating that you are worrying about, you don't need to add hair loss to the mix on top of it all.

I just started a new job. No one there knows that I have health problems. Theres

I'm trying to decide if I should include photos. Part of me is wants to hide the glaring details of how much is in there, a small voice piping up that hey, who wants to see the contents of my trash cans? And I quite literally started tearing up when I saw how much was there when walking by it...seriously. Its. that. bad. I've even checked the mirror a few times just to appease my own fear that yes. its still there, and I still look normal.  Maybe I will include pics....

Pic 1 is what I lost while washing my hair, 2 is from after washing, and 3 are random hair balls I found on the floor. Seriously, this is embarrassing...

I guess it really hit home, when I told my sister that I didn't think I'd go for a walk with her today, because of how much I lost this morning, because I didnt want to have to wash it again today and go through the whole ordeal again. And she responded with a text asking me if I was feeling alright. And the truth of it is, that I am. I feel pretty normal, aside from being a bit sore when I get up. And its really only in the back of my ankle, it feels kinda as if I over exercised and my muscle is tight, and it goes away after a few minutes of moving. Other than that, I'm just having to readjust to getting used to sitting for most of the day again. And my job really has a lot of up and down time so it hasn't really been a big issue either. So really not much physically to complain about. Unless of course, you count losing your hair as a physical issue... :) Its more of a psychological thing than anything I guess. So that about sums up my day. I've been losing more and more lately, and today I hit my breaking point. I'm feeling a mite depressed, and hoping to find an easy fix. Praying that it won't last long, and that soon I'll be laughing about this whole situation. Please??

Meanwhile, I'm going to try to end my pity-party...I think I'll start by taking out the trash....